Crowd

Digressing from an easter eggs hunt

Today we organized our traditional easter eggs hunt at home. With Halloween, those are the two parties that we throw every year for sure :) I really enjoy the preparation and welcoming friends over, but it’s also an incredibly draining experience.

I usually don’t attend events or large gatherings much. Not that I don’t like them, but my body simply can’t take it. The noise is killing me. It feels like my brain and my senses are frying in a pan.

I remember this picture of me when I was three or four years old at the wedding of my godmother. I’m all dressed up, in the middle of the crowd, crying. I don’t know what the actual reason was, but sometimes I feel like that boy in the middle of the crowd. I just want to escape and find silence.

You wouldn’t notice in a crowd how much energy it takes for me just to be here and act like a normal social person. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not torture either, but it’s exhausting.

At school, teachers were always giving the same feedback to my parents: your son is constantly daydreaming. And in general, during my studies, I was seated in silence at the back of the class, not taking notes, just waiting for the hours to pass. In the schoolyard, I wasn’t talking much either.

My sister says I’m on the verge of autism. It’s, of course, an exaggeration, but sometimes I reflect on my interactions with others.

I hate the noise, not only from the crowd but in general. I’m the worst at chit-chatting. I hate when people are too verbose or just need to fill the space. I hate nonsense and generalities, ideas formed without clarity, and hypocrisy. I am very much in an all-or-nothing mode, meaning that I am either completely into something or totally absent. If I am bored, it’s really hard for me to pretend, same if I don’t like someone. I am quite direct, cause it’s way easier than pretending.

One of my friends calls me the Animal. Not like a dog or a cat, but more like a wild animal because sometimes it feels like I am untameable. And at the same time, I am like a Machine. I drop very few balls, I love to participate, and I play to win. But I am also a burden to carry for anyone working with me daily as I like to be on my own, and I am quite hard to catch because I’m either in my head or onto five different other things at the same time while focusing on one thing at a time. When I am having lunch with someone, if my next meeting is at 2 pm, for instance, my brain will basically disconnect from the conversation at 1.50 pm as my mind is shifting towards that next meeting…

These being said, I like the energy and passion that transpire from people who share something they really love, hate, or feel. That’s why I never feel bored about engaging with new entrepreneurs. And after eight years in venture capital, I’m always looking for that true passion, energy, sense of belonging, or mission. It gives me a lot of energy :)

My passion at work and in life is entrepreneurs, hearing their stories, being part of their journeys, sharing the ups and downs, backing them, and being helpful when I can. It might sound a bit extreme, but it’s true. Those entrepreneurs are a large piece of my life in general, and I am really grateful for that.

Don’t look for me in the crowd.